How do you take care of your mental health as an empath? Do you have the right tools to empower yourself before others? As an empath, you may be inclined to neglect yourself because you choose to see yourself in others. But you cannot take care of others if you’re not the best version of yourself for yourself before anyone else. In today’s episode of How’s Your Soul podcast, we discuss what it takes to heal the healer. Becoming aware of who you are as an empath and working on your traumas is important and will help you avoid getting hurt. Our guest Tony Tzar has utilized tools such as therapy and meditation to do the self-work he needed to get through his past traumas. He describes himself as a very caring man, curious, empowering, an empath, and enthusiastic about art. His soul feels aware and expectant of the rewards of the self-work he’s done to heal his traumas and be the best version of himself. He advocates for people to work on themselves so they can grow and experience a soft life. Listen in to learn why you need to heal yourself first to center yourself and be in a position to help everybody else. Host: Sydney Noble (@sydneysnoble) Guest: Tony Tzar (@tonytzar) Topic: Healing The Healer Intro Music Produced By: Joel the Unicorn
Topics Covered:
[SYDNEY]
0:00
Hey. And we're back. It's episode two of How's Your Soul? Podcast, where the only rule is you can't say, I'm good. And today I'm joined by my good, good, good, good, good friend and family, Tony Tzar. And we're talking all about the concept of healing the healer. How are you, Tony?
[TONY]
0:25
Hello, Sydney. I would say I'm in a state of practicing.
[SYDNEY]
0:37
Okay.
[TONY]
0:40
I know. I'm so used to saying good, and then if it's not good, I'm not one to just trauma dump on someone, but I'm in a state of a lot of things. Gratitude, grace, learning, understanding. So all of those, I feel like those are intentional. You have to think about them. So that's why I come up with the word practicing on the state of practice. Practicing gratitude, practicing grace, understanding, patience, obviously. And I'm also sick.
[SYDNEY]
1:38
Oh, no. Okay, so for people who don't know you, how would you describe Tony? As a human, as an artist, as all the different things. Because that looks different depending on how people come to know you.
[TONY]
2:00
I think for me, getting to know myself, I would describe myself as very caring. Very caring and enthusiastic about art and enthusiastic about ascension. I feel like anytime I can offer empowerment or betterment to any situation, I would definitely, like, jump at the chance. So, yeah, caring and empowering. And definitely empathetic.
[SYDNEY]
2:57
Yeah.
[TONY]
3:01
And curious. I'm a very curious person. I think one thing that's a big attribute that I have is that I'm just curious. I want understanding of anything, things that I don't understand. I want understanding of things that someone would be repulsed by or someone would be scared of or whether it's a personality or jumping out of a plane. I'm so curious with that. All experiences I like, so I go for it.
[SYDNEY]
3:39
As someone who knows you personally, and I think it's safe to say knows you pretty well, I totally agree with all those things. And heavy on the empathetic and heavy on someone who is nurturing, someone who is supportive, someone who is honestly just like the term father earth comes to mind how people always say Mother Earth. And just how like when I think of the Earth, I think of someone or something or the entity that always gives, that always is there, that's always there to provide. But then at the same time, especially in today's society, the Earth isn't necessarily always taken care of. And someone who has been watching your journey for the past oh my goodness. How long have I known you now? Like twelve years, maybe?
[TONY]
4:49
Yeah, something like that. Yeah.
[SYDNEY]
4:52
It's been very insightful to see how you. Invite experiences into your world, how you manage those experiences, and when it hurt... How you sometimes overcome them, sometimes heal from them, and sometimes just deal with them. Because all three of those look very different. Different, if you ask me. overcoming versus healing versus just dealing. And I think those three things, there are three different stages, if you ask me. It's like dealing, overcoming, and then the healing, depending on the situation that we're all in, each situation can be dealt with, are handled differently. But I think I know the term empath is always thrown around in society, and it's such a buzzword now, and I kind of want it. I'm curious. Personal perceived definition of what empath is.
[SYDNEY]
6:22
And I consider the word empath a noun and being empathetic adjective, but they're very two different things. I think being empathetic is very situational. You can be empathetic to a situation, but that doesn't make you empath. When I think of somebody who is the empath, I think of somebody who is very intuitive and is in tune with people and their emotions and on a deeper, almost indescribable level. It's beyond a gut feeling. It's beyond somebody just being able to listen to their gut on a situation basis. And somebody just knows, I know that man cheating on me. That don't make you empathetic. That don't make you necessarily intuitive. But someone who is an empath that they can take on willingly and unwillingly to their own personal demise. Other people's.
[SYDNEY]
7:28
Emotions, other people's situations, good and bad, it becomes their own. And when I think of an empath, I think of you. I truly think that you are one of those people that is such and knowing your journey, what I know of it, I think I know a healthy share of it. But knowing what I know of it, it hasn't been easy. And I'm going to let you touch on that for sure. Because even in your opening statement when I asked you, how are you? And you mentioned the whole concept of if I'm not good, I don't want a trauma dump, where does that come from?
[SYDNEY]
8:16
Where does that come from? That comes from somewhere. And the feeling of like, you're dumping your traumas on someone because I can tell you right now, if you're talking to me, you're not dumping your traumas on me, you know what I mean? But that feeling of, okay, I don't want to
[SYDNEY]
8:35
unload on the person I'm talking to, where does that stand from for you?
[TONY]
8:40
It has more to do with, I think, how common that question is and how much you don't really mean to ask that question, right? So when it comes to trauma dumping, there are some people, even my friends, I asked them now, hey, I have a lot on my heart right now. Do you have space? Do you have time and do you have space for and this all came from the self work and the help that I sought in the past four years. I think growing up, I went do a lot as a young child and.
[TONY]
9:41
Learning how to love in very difficult situations has put me in one of those like special places as a child, right? And so as a child I became extremely emotionally intelligent and intelligent, just informational wise. And so I had other people kind of define what impact is for me because I had a special mix of intuition and also just really like understanding human behavior. And even with my mom, she was studying to be a doctor in psychology and I would steal her books that I'm talking about like at eleven years old and like read through books and be like, oh, okay, okay. I'm thinking like, I'm finding out the secrets and so I would like to apply it to life and people would tell me like, oh wow, you're way beyond your years. Oh, like wow, like your empath, your empathy, your empath. So I thought. My order. And I think this happens a lot for a lot of people who tend to have this gift. The order of understanding people's situations, understanding how to spot them and then helping them is what an empath is. And until I went through some let me rephrase that till that character and that knowledge that I built for myself upon the gifts I had didn't work for me anymore, right? So it works for me for a long time. I moved out here, like, homeless. I remember when I graduated. I graduated at 16, and I went to DC high School 16. I went to DC and started, like, dancing and getting into the arts the way I wanted to. And then after that, I was like, yeah, I got to do it. I went to Florida to go to fullsail University for music, and then I went to, like, I got to go to La. I got to move to La. And I moved out here homeless. And a lot of people were like, oh, my God. Like, how are you doing this? Homeless? Like, aren't you worried? Aren't you sad? And I'm like, no, you just got to treat people good. And I and I understand people, and, you know, the world, the universe gives it all back to me. So you see it in books. You see it in self help books. You see it on TV. So I'm like, yeah, this is working for me. Until Mr. Save Everybody failed. And being that person to help everybody and think I'm an empath, I'm empath was actually also distracting because we feel like because being empath is put in such amazing light that we don't realize yet. But there has to be balance. You also have to understand how to help yourself. You can't define your gratification, helping everybody else around you and saving everybody else around you because you choose to see yourself and everybody else around you. And once that started to happen. On a roller coaster when it's like it's going over, and it's like
[TONY]
13:12
and then when I'm like, okay, I get it. I was like, really? Like, I really took some else. And from that, I was like, I don't know what to do. I need help. So I went into started seeking help through one of my amazing 1s mentors and people in my life and friends. His name is Dr. Damon Silas. He does a lot of trauma counseling, and he's written a book on it, and he's just amazing in different methods of therapy as well. And I started to learn about the individual that I am and also how the world is. Even though I care about people, everybody doesn't care the same, even though everybody has their way of loving the repairing. So I can't assume that when someone asks me, am I good? You want to hear everything? You want to hear about how my dog died? You want to hear about how my grandmother died? You want to hear about how I lost these many friends? Or you want to hear about how I went through this crazy situation? You want to hear about my suicide attempt? You want to hear it? That's not the case.
[SYDNEY]
Yeah, it's a lot.
[TONY]
And some people a lot of people are going through so many things, so things can be a trigger. So you can just mention, like, I'm good. My dog died, and the person in front of you can just start breaking out into tears. And then you're like, oh, maybe it was a bigger trigger for them than it was for me. That's why I started to be. I guess aware of trying to be more conscience of like who has time to hear it and who has space to hear it. So if I know them, that's the first gate. Second, ask them do you have time? Do you have space?
[SYDNEY]
No. I love it. That's why we're here. We're here for the deeper conversations, the meat and bones, not just the superficial and that's why I created this podcast. But I think that's really the most important piece. But also having the willingness 1s and the vulnerability to even want to open up because some people don't even like they don't even care to even offer another alternative outside of the I'm good answer. Because they don't even want to tap into their own realities of how they're feeling. Or maybe they haven't even thought about how they're feeling, so they're just running on autopilot of I'm good. You know what I mean? But I think that's very important after just the awareness of hey, who am I talking to? The situational awareness do you have the capacity to hold what my truth is in this current space? And I can definitely relate to that. And I think that also brings up another buzzword. But another thing that I think people confuse for being an empath for. I think a lot of people, not a lot of people, but I've seen a nice handful of people who claim to be the empath or highly, highly, highly empathetic, but they're actually just really used to and comfortable in trauma bonding situations. They seek the trauma in other people and they connect through that and they think, oh, I understand what you're going through, I'm empathetic to what you're going through. But in all honesty,
[SYDNEY]
17:14
the reality of that situation could very much so be... Is it really empathy or is trauma bonding your comfort? Because once somebody grows past the trauma of it and starts to go into their healing journey, those trauma bonding people fall off because I'm not only defined by my trauma anymore. And so as you're talking yeah, as you were talking, that word, that phrase has come up to in my mind, like, so the difference and it's so crazy, because as you were talking, I pulled up, what is an empath? And all of the resources are on health sites, not on dictionary sites. So according to yeah, isn't that crazy? So according to health line, it says, do you often feel deeply tuned into the feelings of people around you? Do crowds make you uncomfortable? Would you or the people closest to you describe yourself as a sensitive person? If so, you may. And there's a lot of people that are defining the difference between empathy and empath. Those people are doctors. Our psychiatrists are people that are in these health fields and health professions. And it says the term empath obviously comes from the word empathy, which is the ability to understand the experiences and feelings of others outside of your own perspective. A lot of people can do that. That's the surface level. That's what empathy is. But being an empath is beyond just being empathetic like we talked about. So I'm not going to go into the whole it's a full blown article, but I think it's important to make the distinction between the two as we go further in our conversation. But being someone who has always been there for other people, what does it look like for yourself when you need help? How do you recharge or have you figured that out? Or what does it look like when you're going through something? Do you have other people? Do you feel like I'm going to say, do you feel like you have other people that can hold space and give you what you need in the times where you feel like you're in need? Because I know that's hard for somebody who's always used to being there for other people to feel like, okay, 1s can those same people hold space for me and have the tools to hold space for me in a way that I think I need?
[TONY]
20:25
I think that works hand in hand with magnetism. The thing about it like being empathic or being an empath, right? It could be your hero origin story, or it could be your villain origin story.
[SYDNEY]
20:42
Talk about it.
[TONY]
You can feel ways for people, but doing things and stepping in and being the best empath and hero that you try to be, you can end up getting hurt because someone's not able to accept that love, right? Someone's not able to accept the help or even be able to see themselves, see the good in them that you can see in them. And in those cases, these people can hurt you, like, extremely bad. And then you have the choice to how you're going to react to that. I think throughout this life, we all have different ways of reacting, and it all comes through, like our development of self. But the reason why I said it works through magnetism is because I think once you take a moment. And definitely one of the many amazing tools that I've used is meditation. But being able to meditate and sending yourself to the point where you can be as concerned with self, spirit in mind, in God as you are with everybody else. That's when you really start to listen and listen to God, listen to the universe, and start to see what you really need to do. And usually when you do that, a lot of people who only trauma bonded with you will start fall off. Because now you're not providing what you always provide for them. They can't get that resource from you and the nerve. And it shows that there's no two way. When these people are falling off, it's actually providing space. Right. So you start treating yourself a certain way because you only have self at that moment. And at these moments, you'll find, like, random people next level start coming into your life, or people who have always been in your life go, okay, now do you see me? No. And are able to give back that same love that you're giving to yourself, because you can meet other people where they've seen you, and they can be ahead of the game. And when I say head of the game, they can be ahead of you, of seeing you to where you are. Right. Two people I consider in that zone is you. And there's also 1s this girl, Julia. And there's a phase of life where both of you guys came in, and it wasn't because I reached out and I called and said, I need Julia, I need Sydney. It was like, okay, and all you did was be yourself. But I heard you different. I heard Julia different. And I was like, wow, this whole time these people have been showing me the same love. And not even just the same love. It can be that deep or it can be as deep as these people have always been showing up. It's like when I had my music video and I was like, I have all these things to do and all these hats to wear, and I need someone to share.
[TONY]
24:22
Okay, let's go to this store, make a comment, design your costume, and I became your assistant to my design, to my video. And that was back then. It was like, oh, yeah, awesome. But then nowadays I can look back and be like, yeah, she's always shown up. Not for the parties, not for the good times, not for the celebrations. Always, you just showed up, period. The same thing with Julia. And Julia really came she really came to aid with sharing more of herself. She's someone who's also going through a lot of things, a lot of painful things, but didn't want to make that bond on the trauma bond thing and just get attention. Just like you had a lot of people around you, you got a lot of people around you. A lot of things that I saw that were safe, but now that you're protecting yourself, I feel safe in your space, and I think that happens a lot. When it comes to magnetism, once you start to put that for that love back into and really trying to find. The core of your life, you start to protect, you start to value it and you start to protect it. And once you become protective of that space, then people who are also protective of their space feel comfortable enough to come into your space. And they to me, in my experience, as of now, because I don't know what's going to happen later, but right now, it's amazing. I feel like the level of people around me have just, like, risen. And I'm grateful for that, but it's only because I started seeking out tools to put myself on a higher level and empower myself the way I was so hungry and thirsty to do it for others. And that's all, you know, I honor that old self and I and I love him. I love old Tony. I love young Tony, and I am gracious to him and I am forgiving to him. So it's really like a lot of times it's like we feel like we can go on, we move on from the old self, but I feel like it's more of an expansion. You can understand old self, but don't forget him. Don't forget all the things he's been through. Don't forget certain stories that make him him, that make him be able to relate to other people's stories. But also, let's expand. We're not going to have to stay there.
[SYDNEY]
27:16
Yeah. And for people that are listening, watching that may identify with your story and what you told of it. What are some of the tools that you've learned going from someone who could sometimes over provide for people that didn't want it? Or feel like you were showing up for people that maybe couldn't see the value in it. Or I'd say pouring into others more than pouring into yourself. All those things. What tools have you learned to get you from old Tony to new Tony that you found most helpful?
[TONY]
28:09
There's different personalities than me who wants to answer the question differently.
[SYDNEY]
28:13
Let them all answer. Let them all answer.
[TONY]
28:15
The first one is like loving and caring about people who can't see themselves. The way you see them is like trying into drag a rock uphill or a boulder uphill. It's like you can support someone and it's easy. To switch. Sometimes it's not easy to support, sometimes it's weight. But as long as they want to move 1ft in front of the other, that's fine. As long as they want to move, they want to do things for themselves, it's fine. But if you find yourself pouring so much into someone else, into all your conversations about how you want them and them and them and them to be better, I would say take some time to reflect. On what you see of yourself in that because most of us we're only loving and caring and reaching out throughout relationship we all want the underdog to win we all want a lot of us. If we see, like, I was a fat kid, right? So when I scroll through ig or I'm watching someone in dance classes and it's like the fat kid, all the other kids were like and they go out there and they're killing it. I'm rooting for them. I'm like I'm biased. It's just because it's my natural spin. I see everyone and I celebrate everyone, but I'm like me and you. Yeah. And we do that whether it's good or whether it's not so good. I don't really believe in good and bad, whether it's carrying the energy to move forward or whether it's carrying energy that's going to hold you back. We still see that in other people. And even with me, I went through, like, the most painful experience as a whole, spiritually and emotionally painful, like, in the past four or three years. And. When people started to, like, when my pain was made public or whatnot, when, you know, and I'm saying that through me, when I was expressing my pain or expressing my anger or my disbelief, there's a lot of people who came, you know, who wrote me, and like, you know, you're going to be okay. You're going to be fine. DA DA DA. And at first, it all looked the same, and it was all given, like, thank you. But then the further I got into it, certain people started relating to me in certain ways, which I couldn't relate, because what they saw, what they experienced was not my case. And then I started to realize, like, wow, people just they're rooting for what they see in them, 2s and it's no different from hate. People are angered by things they see in other people that they see in themselves, so they can't see themselves, so that trigger themselves. I don't know. My advice for them is to really just find that time for self, as hard as it may be, because most people who care so much about other people have a very hard time being alone, and I was one of them. I know you remember my house. I had a house in sherman oaks. And as lovely as the space was alone and peaceful and after a while, shut it down and let you know it be my meditation space, because I just was not feeling the energy, but like. I would, like, have my sage and my palo santo and my incense, my essential oils, and just make the space, a safe space and then invite everybody in to feel
[TONY]
32:36
safely
[SYDNEY]
32:39
offset all of the work you just did. 4s First time I came over... Yeah, I remember the first time I came over, and I was just like, he leaves his door unlocked, and anybody could just walk in. That's weird. Okay, it's not my house. I'm not going to judge, but it made sense for who you were then and everybody else then.
[TONY]
33:09
it fulfilled me. I had, like, sewing workshop in the back. I had the home recording studio in my bedroom, which I just let anybody anywhere. I had my gym in the garage. We used to work out and dance and cipher outside in the backyard. In the garden, I had the living room. And sometimes we would cipher. I just watch things and free things in the front room, which John Gifted would use as, like, his like that was his space. That was his studio for editing there or whatnot. But, yeah, 1s I thought, I never had a place like this that I could go to growing up, and I want people to always feel like they have a space to be safe. There was people who didn't have places to go, and some certain people would call it the hostile if you need a place to stay. Everybody like, oh, tech with Tony. And it was the burden I was willing to bare for a while, but after a while, I was like, okay. And then there were friends who would call 03:00 A.m. At night, like, hey, we're not done. We still want to have a place to talk and drink wine. Can we come through it? I'm like, yeah, sure. Just come through.
[SYDNEY]
34:27
As I'm watching the sleep out of my eyes,
U[TONY]
34:30
right. Having that space, it was fulfilling for a while because I felt important through being able to help other people feel something.
[SYDNEY]
34:41
But that's the key word right there.
[TONY]
34:44
Yeah, I felt important through that. And then 1s when I went through something. 2s Extremely challenging. 1s I was like, 1s Where are these people?
[SYDNEY]
35:02
Where are these people that 1s are steady, 1s over, asking for help, getting help, getting inspiration, getting free lessons, free studio time? Why are these people and then even furthermore, I know 4s there was, like, people who were encouraging me. Once somebody put out some type of statement that was very unclear. And then people started making their own assumptions. And there are people who hit me up. It was like, yes, okay, you should just let me know. You you're so true to your spirit. You should make this statement. You should make this statement. And I go, okay. And I make a statement. I send it to them. And they're like, yeah, but even get more 1s like, you don't even need the angry or 1s no resistance in it. Just like, what we know is someone who people need to see what
[TONY]
36:02
accountability and a leader looks like. And I'm like, okay, 3s it like that. This is perfect. And I remember when they said, this is perfect. I was crying. I didn't know why I was crying, but I was crying because I just felt like, this is weird. Like, I'm hurt. I make the statement. And then right after that.
[SYDNEY]
36:26
People who did that, one of them called me, was like, I'm just let you know. I was in this other conversation, and they were saying your house was the party house. It was a drug house. And I'm like, how are you the one? You, too, were the ones who told me to make a statement that you're going to go all right on the other line and get into a conversation that has to do with something that has never happened, 1s the party house in this house. This house. And it's crazy because I asked questions. I asked my father, 1s who I was around at the time, who was a minister and amongst many other things, and showed me 1s he is a big 1s Christian believer. And he showed me verses of where, when you do good, 2s many people, especially the energy of evil, will always want to perverse it and make it something that it's not. And the more I started to read about things, I was like, oh, as hurtful as this experience is, this is not the first and won't be the last. This happens all the time. And that's why there are many and I think about this as many religions have there whether you're Jewish, whether you're Muslim, mother, Christian, modi or 2s spiritualist. 2s Most books of belief or spirituality have these, like, guidelines and 1s accounts and things to help you know that this happens all the time. That's why this book is here, to help you understand how you need to protect yourself and how you need to how all these tools can be used in your favor. 2s After that, I started to realize it takes me back to like, okay, so I have some work to do on myself. Because one thing I did realize 1s in counseling, 3s he was like, I've known you for a long time. You've been doing a lot of stuff. Like, I've known you since you were a kid. You've been through extreme things. And he's he was like, 2s some of these people. 2s And I was like, yeah, I agree with him. He was like, yeah, some of these people. 2s That you love. You love hard. And I can tell you love hard. Look. Yeah said, okay. And he was speaking about someone specifically. He said, So how can I give you, like, a hard pill to swallow? And I said, yeah. He said, now, what makes you think that you can play God
[TONY]
39:08
and guard and prevent 2s this person or these people 2s of experiencing the bad things that they're supposed to experience to make them better?
[SYDNEY]
39:23
Yeah. And that was the moment in therapy where I was like, 3s because I had the belief if my intentions were good and everything is great and I'm doing this for the better, I'll take take the pain, I'll take the blame, I'll take this.
[TONY]
39:41
That don't help nobody.
[SYDNEY]
39:43
Right? And you can actually sometimes cripple them from their own
[TONY]
39:48
character development. An enabler. And I learned it accounts that enabler can be just as damaging as an abuser, and that. 3s That hit me hard. 1s So the thing is the way 1s accountability works, because that's another word that everybody loves to use. 5s Accountability is something that is of a self process because what accountability looks like to most people is like pain and suffering for all the stuff that they projected in their past and things that happened to them that they want to place on someone else because they felt powerless. And so they're going to take this out and project this onto someone else. And the way our society works with social media is kind of crazy now. But accountability is definitely a stealth process. It's definitely a person themselves saying like how do want to improve my world? Even if they seem squeaky clean or they seem perfect. How do I want to better my life in my world? And. 3s Live a better life for myself and for the people around me and whatever that looks like for you is your path. We have so many self help books, but in reality some of the best ones I've read are the ones who say, hey, this is a big book of I don't know, but I'm going to let you know what worked for me. And those are the ones that really same thing with listening to Abraham hicks for her to say we feel because she sees itself as a counselor, they see themselves as a counsel. 5s I listen to the things they have to say and I'm like, wow, it seems so simple. But that's because that's the only way it can be the most relatable for things to be
[SYDNEY]
41:56
simple. Yeah, 2s I think that's such an 2s interesting and not as common take on accountability. Because when you think of the concept of people saying I have to hold you accountable or others accountable to a degree, if you look at it through that lens, it's like, well, what makes you judge and jury of how someone else's actions, thoughts, processes all those things? 3s Who's to say period. 8s Because everything is such a gray area. What is right to some people may not be classified as right to others. What is morally sound
to one person may seem completely off the rails to somebody else. And I think 1s the biggest overlying concept to just be how can I be the best version of me?
[TONY]
43:17
And that's always your story 1s first 2s that can't come through anyone else's satisfaction of your state of being, right? Some people, they want to see other people suffered. I even saw something today on social media. 2s They were talking about Chris Brown, but they were like, he's a suffered. He's just out there living his life. And it's like,
[SYDNEY]
43:43
well, who's to say?
[TONY]
43:46
How do you know? 3s And I'm pretty sure. I'm pretty sure 1s through my knowledge of things like this man has suffered. 1s I've seen what it is to even just live a celebrity life. I've been around them, and, yeah, that already suffering for me, like they go through. 1s And 2s I think the core question is, how do you define suffering?
[SYDNEY]
44:20
That's very subjective, too. Yeah.
[TONY]
44:22
Because with suffering to one, maybe not suffering to the other, 4s because then people will be the first. I saw so many people to, like, jump at the opportunity for content. When someone loses their life through suicide, 1s people will go, oh, talk. Check on your friends and do this. And that's how people write the most elaborate posts. And I'm like, 1s that's crazy, because you definitely are someone who does it. Check on people who you call friends, people who have called me friends and not even didn't check on them, but 1s what? It's exacerbate issues and problems 2s off of just wanting to look like they're on the right side of 2s I don't know of. 3s Of social media on the right side because it's not like on justice or something we have in the system. We have a whole justice system. Not to say that justice system is right. That's a whole other podcast. But 1s we have people who do this for a career, for a job. So you on social media. Like, what are you doing? What are we doing? Even if it comes to the point of, like, people 1s chastising our covering stories are saying, I'm an advocate now. There's people who actually have gone to school to understand how to do this in the right way. There's people who have degrees, who understand how to address this issue in the right way. But we have so many people now who feel like, I'm a self appointed doctor, I'm a self appointed physician, I'm a self appointed therapist, I'm a self appointed this and that and have no idea what's going on
[SYDNEY]
46:17
to that. I will say it's one thing to 1s have some personal experience in a situation, but being able to convey some empathy, circling back around out being empathetic to a situation or being able to 2s relate to a situation does not mean you can effectively.
[TONY]
46:53
It does not mean you can effectively 2s talk about it in a way that does more
[SYDNEY]
47:03
good than damaging.
[TONY]
47:06
You know what I mean? And I think that's where the educational component comes in, because it's not saying that you don't have the credibility, and that's why you don't know what you're talking about. What you haven't learned is true or what you haven't experienced is right, but that doesn't mean you have the tools to effectively communicate maybe said experience for people. 2s But all that to say 1s as someone
who's been through a lot, gone through a lot, is in a season of practicing 1s what they're have learned, what they're growing through. 1s At the end of the day 1s in today what is today? February 19 of 2023, how's your soul doing
[SYDNEY]
47:55
in this current season?
[TONY]
47:58
My soul feels like a warrior. 2s My soul feels like 1s I find myself 6s being proud of myself a lot more in such a different way. 3s We will always 1s have things like Judgment. We say, like, be free of judgment. Judgment is not good that are going up. But, yeah, it's A process, and It's Always Going To Be there, and We're Always going to have the court of public opinion, right? But
[SYDNEY]
48:40
when you do the self work to gain the tools that you need for yourself to Get through, man, 2s do the blessing slow. In such different ways, too. 2s there'll be days where I feel very down on myself because 1s I monetarily not the place I used to be because I've taken so much damage in my career from the things I've been through. And then 2s I have to tell myself, keep going, keep going, keep going. But then on those days, or some ways that I'll get like three or four messages from people all around the world who are like, hey, 1s thank you for. 2s Getting up and keep going. Like, I'm from Africa and I watch you all the time and it makes me proud to be like a young black man growing up. And when you dare to speak my language and I'm like, woof. And then there are other people who are like, hey, you saved my life, and 1s you're encouraging more and more for me to just be myself and keep going with the things I've been through. There are parents who hit me up who would say, like, I don't know 2s what you need, but I'm here and I don't know what's going on, but you've been an angel to my son. You've been such a help to my daughter when she was going to birth, you know? And when I get these messages, I'm just like, oh, this reminds me that it's more than opportunity, more than Spain, more than Instagram or TikTok posts. There's a real life being lived out here, and there are real lives being touched out here. And if that's the focus, if that's the reward, I mean, that's good. Everything else is something for me to work on. And also, it's also a path that I'm being guided on. So 1s I'm not going to sit here and judge my path too early. But sometimes we get down on ourselves, sometimes we do. And to be able to know that who we've been and who we are being is actually something that is still empowering, still fulfilling what I'm supposed to fulfill, it's it's magical. And also just like.
[TONY]
51:14
Not believing stories in my head because of the anger and evil that has come my way. 2s You saw me when I got back and it was given hermit. Like, I didn't want to see anybody from the dance. Anybody from no one. 3s Yeah. And after a while was given like, yeah, you got to get over it sometime. And so
even this last weekend, going into this bar that I've been heavy in my 1s vocal production music bag, and I went into this bar and invited by my producer friends or my music friends, I get there and the first person I see is a dancer. And then the second and then the third to go around the corner and find out it's like a dancer night that invited all dancers there. And I was like, 6s I can play with it now because I'm at a place where I can. But anxiety is a real thing. And for me, anxiety is like a real thing. Like, I get anxiety attacks. It's gotten really bad, and I've had to get help with that. But it's about that I am winning. So I'm not going to harp on it, but to go into that bar and to see them and just to be and for all of the dancers that were there to just be, like, showing love or giving, like, praise or love, it's like, oh, okay, all I had to do was step out. That's all I had to do. 1s Love is always going to be there because love is
something that you've always shown and already shown. And people go through phases. So I feel like that makes me feel like a warrior. When I came back home, I was just like, it was a good night, I did it. And sometimes you will encounter people who are angered by situations or going through their own thing. But still, even how I deal with those things now, I feel like a warrior. I feel very proud of myself. 3s Thank you. I would take a lot of people to work on themselves, like, regardless of what they're going through, regardless of you feel like the whole world is against you, worked on yourself. 1s I don't know. Every past I don't know how it would be if you know. I don't know. I just don't know. But I do know that. 2s I thought 2s I lived in a twilight zone. I know I experienced something that was so surreal for me to be someone who for years 1s for years, have been out here 1s for decades now, showing love and giving classes for free and giving spaces and clothes and cooking for people, like maybe twice or three times every month, especially if they have no family or no place to be. Like, how can something like this happen to me? But it's not about that. It's about your journey and you understanding what you need to learn from and moving on and understanding that that moving on alone is still going to affect people who look up to you, people who have a story similar to you, people who see themselves in you because we're all once you get past the me me, I self work. Then you get to the power of we. And then when you get to the power of we, there's something else after. There's always something else afterwards for growth. I'm ready and curious for all of that, but I do want to encourage everybody just to do whatever you need to do to work on yourself. But, like, giving up, it is an option, but it should not be.
[SYDNEY]
55:19
Yeah. It shouldn't be the option you
[TONY]
55:22
choose. It shouldn't be the option you choose. Yeah.
[SYDNEY]
55:27
Well, I appreciate you sharing with me, with the community that I'm creating, being as authentic and honest about your journey and what you're growing through. 1s And I'm glad to see you coming out on the other side stronger than where you are and not choosing the option to give up.
[TONY]
55:53
And may I say, knowing you, even though you're not making this podcast about you, 2s this thing and being around you and I've even told your mother this being around you in your time of 1s dismay and confusion 1s and just grief and strife and to see how you handle it was definitely contributing to my spirit and my growth and my strength. And out of you. And thank you. Yeah. Warrior spirits on the rise.
[SYDNEY]
56:39
100%. 100%. 2s To the healing of the healers. And I appreciate you and I love you so much.
[TONY]
56:52
Love you, too.
[SYDNEY]
56:53
Thank you for joining me on episode two of how's Your Soul?
[TONY]
57:01
Now I need a cup. I just got a mug. Yes.
[SYDNEY]
57:05
how's your soul tumblers are now available via Facebook, Instagram, Shop and on my website. 2s And more merch coming very soon. Until next time.